Lovers!
I am a mysterious woman. Most people, even the closest to me, know little of how I think. But there is one fact that they will know; and now, dear followers, I will tell you as well. I do not like animals. Not one little bit. I think they are rude and dirty.
Yes, I know what you are thinking my pretties: This Zora, she is not normal! Well dear, of course I'm not, I am an all-seeing alcoholic, clearly I am far from normal. But before you write this gypsy off, I will say that there are a few animals which I quite enjoy. Among them is elephants.
Elephants have been revered in many religions, and this gypsy also acknowledges their mystic power. While learning sacred arts in the Far East, I had the opportunity to interact with these blessed beasts. I feel a connection to them that I do not even feel with some humans! And clearly, we can all relate to a beast far more easily than with a - what are they called - guido, anyhow.
I have recently gained a deeper level of understanding of perhaps why I connect so. I was informed that elephants like to get drunk. There has been research conducted on their behavior and they will eat mushrooms and fermented berries in order to get intoxicated. Partying Pachyderms!!! Crunking out with their trunks out! Yes! Elephants like to party!
Aside from the spiritual connection that I felt, I was also being united with a fellow alcoholic! And to think, these animals are poached! They are abused and left for dead! And for what? Wanting to party? Fuck taking a stand against animal cruelty, let's embrace an animals right to party!
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Tears in a Bottle
My precious children!
Since my early days, I have heard many jokes about the mystical powers of a gypsy's tears. Oh! How many times was I tormented? Told the same fucking joke every day? Too many to count!
Let me set the record straight. Yes, out tears do have a kind of magic to them, but it can only be utilized under the supervision of a very skilled individual. The average moron asking about gypsy tears would not know the first thing to do with it, in fact he would have no more knowledge than he has regarding a woman's clitoris.
The next important thing to know is that while our tears have many magical properties; gypsies do not cry. You see, our minds do not focus on the petty issues that you regular humans do; thus our tears are hard to come by. A warning to any ignorant assholes out there, if you attempt to make a gypsy cry, we will get angry; then a curse will surely befall you and your loved ones. You have been warned.
To all the star-crossed lovers out there today, instead of wasting time wining and dining, spend it fucking. Who knows how long this "relationship" may last? Try to get as much sex out of the deal as possible.
Since my early days, I have heard many jokes about the mystical powers of a gypsy's tears. Oh! How many times was I tormented? Told the same fucking joke every day? Too many to count!
Let me set the record straight. Yes, out tears do have a kind of magic to them, but it can only be utilized under the supervision of a very skilled individual. The average moron asking about gypsy tears would not know the first thing to do with it, in fact he would have no more knowledge than he has regarding a woman's clitoris.
The next important thing to know is that while our tears have many magical properties; gypsies do not cry. You see, our minds do not focus on the petty issues that you regular humans do; thus our tears are hard to come by. A warning to any ignorant assholes out there, if you attempt to make a gypsy cry, we will get angry; then a curse will surely befall you and your loved ones. You have been warned.
To all the star-crossed lovers out there today, instead of wasting time wining and dining, spend it fucking. Who knows how long this "relationship" may last? Try to get as much sex out of the deal as possible.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Revival
My dear, devoted children!
Are you troubled? Lacking focus or direction? Constantly sober? Have no fear! All you need is your gypsy friend Zora to make your troubles vanish!
I have been on a journey for quite some time now and after much soul searching and liquor drinking I have returned to a place of leading the sweet and innocent ones on the paths of life.
That is right my friends, I say paths of life because their is no fixed journey, if someone tries to tell you different... run! For they do not have the blood of a seer! Our blood is a unique mixture of clairvoyance, wisdom, mystery and alcohol; yet we do not deny that there are some things that must be hidden from the stars.
Each day is a choice, and no one can take the steps but you. However, there are some things a gypsy knows and can predict. For example, all males wearing glittering t-shirts or jeans will have an ambiguous and very angry homosexual encounter, if only for a minute. It will likely be after consuming an average amount of flavored vodka, and will never be spoken of.
My pretties, please let us embark together on the journey onward. Prepare yourselves! Day drinkers will be heavily rewarded in the next life.
Are you troubled? Lacking focus or direction? Constantly sober? Have no fear! All you need is your gypsy friend Zora to make your troubles vanish!
I have been on a journey for quite some time now and after much soul searching and liquor drinking I have returned to a place of leading the sweet and innocent ones on the paths of life.
That is right my friends, I say paths of life because their is no fixed journey, if someone tries to tell you different... run! For they do not have the blood of a seer! Our blood is a unique mixture of clairvoyance, wisdom, mystery and alcohol; yet we do not deny that there are some things that must be hidden from the stars.
Each day is a choice, and no one can take the steps but you. However, there are some things a gypsy knows and can predict. For example, all males wearing glittering t-shirts or jeans will have an ambiguous and very angry homosexual encounter, if only for a minute. It will likely be after consuming an average amount of flavored vodka, and will never be spoken of.
My pretties, please let us embark together on the journey onward. Prepare yourselves! Day drinkers will be heavily rewarded in the next life.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)